She was naturally ambitious and secure within herself. When she made a plan, it had no choice but to come to fruition. She didn’t take no for an answer. Her mind was made up and she had a clear destination. A few years of higher education, enough to acquire a MBA before the age of 30, and paying dues in her field, she could feel the victory of what she thought was success right around the corner. But, she had no idea that one twisted year of ill-fate would entirely change her trajectory.
It was too late. She mentally left her job that she worked so hard to elevate in and soon, would mentally leave her long-term “situationship”. But her body still continued to show up day by day as she drifted through the years.
All she could think of was how life would have been if she didn’t follow the rules set before her. Although she thought she made the responsible choices by postponing children and marriage, completing a higher education and getting as much experience as she could, none of her choices mattered at the end of the day. Well, at least that’s what the universe was showing her.
Those who lived unplanned existences seemed to be more well off. The peers that graduated high school and college with no clear plan appeared to now have the jobs that they wanted. The mothers that had those unplanned pregnancies as teens and young adults didn’t seem so bothered by having a family as they approached their thirties. The once imperfect and unstable could now show off their beautiful homes and nice cars earned from their steady paychecks.
Yet, what did she have to show for her sacrifices? What came out of studying instead of socializing or working instead of living comfortably with her parents? What came out of taking risks that others wouldn’t dare consider?
As the pain of realizing that life generally is not fair hit her in the chest like a lightning bolt there was only one thing she could muster to do. Quit. Quit that high paying job that didn’t get her anywhere because of the high cost of living in her state. Quit the lifetime boyfriend that really took advantage of that old outdated saying of milking the cow for free. Quit the striving for perfection expected of the oldest sibling and stereotypical Virgo. Just quit.
And that she did. But, like anything in life, she had to pay a cost. She fell into depression after being berated by management at her job and enduring the judgement of her inner circle for walking away from the status quo. All in all, her mind convinced her that she just might die. At least that’s how quitting felt.
The passion for life and the things that interested her most soon became too heavy to handle. The simplest tasks, such as drafting an email or editing a project, became a big job. No one understood where she was coming from so essentially she had no one to talk to.
Not all was lost. She had a saving grace. Her foundation in her faith. The first step she took to get out of her mental fog was to encourage herself. She realized that she was her biggest cheerleader. No one can motivate her like she could. So, she would listen to inspiring YouTube videos from the likes of Les Brown, Joel Osteen and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. Then, she would write daily motivational affirmations to remind her of her purpose and passion in life. By doing this, she would be edifying her mental state.
Next, she knew she had to conquer her physical. So, she incorporated a daily fitness routine and started eating healthier. This, in turn, gave her more energy and self-esteem.
Even with these milestones, she still was finding it hard to accomplish her goals. It was the small tasks that got to her. To tackle the stifling inertia she was feeling, she created to-do lists with the intention of completing 100% of the list, but the realistic expectation that only half of the actual list would be completed. Little by little she would work through the tasks. Eventually, the tasks would add up to the completion of major goals.
She imagined that whatever was holding her back (depression, inertia etc.) was a huge glacier that she was picking away at. The catch was that the glacier was laying under a Texas sun. So, at the end of the day as she picked away at that glacier she knew that something greater had her back. The sun. It would do its part to melt the stubborn ice and she would do hers, picking away at it day after day.
She doesn’t regret quitting. It was the best thing for her. She was able to discover how much courage she possessed and work through her weaknesses. She’s learned a lot. As far as how she felt about those around her who she perceived to be winning at life, the truth is that every person on earth pays a cost for their choices. No one is exempt. There is a balance.
Here’s some things she would tell herself to get through:
- Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
- No weapon formed against me shall prosper.
- We live life to share our experiences, not harbor them to the grave.
- When it’s hard to accomplish the day to day, take things step by step.
- A broken heart is the recipe for a well-seasoned soul.
So, she wishes you the best of luck in your journey called life. Just remember, at any time you can change the route you’re on. At any time, you can quit and start all over.
