The only father I ever knew on Earth was a family-oriented man of great integrity. There’s some core values he taught me that I’ll never forget for the rest of my life. As the breadwinner, he went out of his way to make sure that his family was well taken care of, not even letting his amputated leg hinder him. When he was just a child, he lost his leg when he got stuck on a railroad track as a train ran over his lower body. But, still, he never had excuses.
There was never a reason for him not to wake up at 4:30 a.m. to travel nearly an hour and a half out of the way to find work. He wasn’t too proud, either. During one year, he sold incense and perfumes at busy crosswalks to make ends meet. He would come home with wads of dollar bills and to me he looked rich.
One of my favorite memories of him was when my family moved to his home state New Jersey. The school halls would often be filled with fashionably dressed students and they all possessed the same things. Fresh shoes, gold necklaces and beepers. I didn’t have the appropriate attire fit for a Jersey kid.
When I came home one day and begged for some Timbaland boots, the wheat ones, my Ma didn’t quite understand. But, my Dad did. Growing up in New Jersey and New York, he knew exactly what it meant to rock the “east coast uniform”, a pre-qualifier for a successful social life. Just to know you had it gained you all the clout that you needed.
So, one day he took me to Harlem, New York. There, he would equip me with a new pair of Tims, size 6 in boys, gold “Bema” nameplate and transparent blue pager. It was heaven. The next day, I went to school so confident and fresh to death. I’ll never forget the love and care he showered on me. Or his ability to understand what it meant to me as a hip hop lover to be cool and included. He got it.
I’ll never forget the lessons he taught me about the hood. I used to think he was exaggerating when he would talk about how dangerous some of the New York boroughs were, but one trip to abuela’s house would change all that for me. She lived in the Bronx. We parked a brand new Hyundai Elantra in front of the tall, brown buildings. I swear, we were only in the apartment for about one hour when someone had broke into our trunk and scoured over the contents.
Later that day, we took a walk near some brownstones. A beautiful girl was walking on the opposite side of the sidewalk. As she approached us she turned her head and there was what looked like a big slash on her face. It terrified me and my sister. All of a sudden, my mother turned around and asked us, “What do y’all think about moving here?” We quickly responded, “No!” When she asked why, we explained that we had saw the pretty girl with a horrific cut on her face. Then, my dad explained what is known as face slashing.
It was a real issue in New York. He told us people would walk around with razor blades under their tongues. Then, if they saw someone attractive or someone they didn’t like, they would quickly pull out the razor blade and slice it down the person’s face. It often happened on the trains or at the subway stations. Yeah, not my cup of tea, at all. So, we didn’t move to New York, but instead settled in New Jersey.
These were the types of experiences that taught me a lot about life. While, at times, I enjoyed the luxury of having a mother and father that cared for their children, I quickly learned that life wasn’t always sweet. The first time I saw my dad cry was when his little brother died. He had held the weight of the world on his shoulders, working back to back shifts and managing his household. But, even he had a breaking point. As my mother held him in her arms and tears saturated his face, my sister and I broke down. Who knew that less than two years later, we would be doing the same thing in grievance of him.
My parents had worked their ways out of poverty. We spent some time in the family shelter. But, with the arrival of my little brother to the family, soon we would find ourselves living in a home. Things were going great, too. After attending four different high schools, we had finally settled where I could make some friends. I even found a potential romantic interest in a dude that looked like a young Busta Rhymes, dreads and all. I’m sure dad would’ve loved that, ha! As a family, we would share dinners and laugh often at the silliest things.
There’s one solemn day I keep close to my heart. I was called out of class after my sister had knocked her tooth into her nose at school. My mother had her hands full with my sister and baby brother, so dad volunteered to take me to my part-time, after-school job. As we rode in the car to Burger King, I remember him asking me if I needed money to eat at work. I said “yes” and he proceeded to dig in his wallet only to find one dollar. “Oh, all I have is one dollar,” he said. Then, he gave the one dollar to me. Even, after I refused knowing that he had an overnight shift to work. Before he dropped me off, he told me he loved me. I got out of the car and waved goodbye, like any other day. That was the last time I saw him. At the age of 36, he would leave behind my mother, his one-year-old son, and three daughters.
Dear Dad,
Thank you so much for showing me what it is to be a leader. Thank you for your thoughtfulness and tender care toward my mother. The art of the city hustle can be accredited to you. I just want my life to serve a purpose that will make you proud. Through the ups and downs, I think of you in my moments of solitude. When I feel lost, I often ponder what would dad do. I remind myself that only when it is dark enough can we see the stars. So, dad, in honor of you and Father’s Day 2020, I just want to leave this excerpt that reminds me of you and definitely signifies the current state of the world:
“Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I’m not concerned about that now. I just want to do God’s will. And He’s allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I’ve looked over. And I’ve seen the Promised Land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the promised land!”
-Martin Luther King Jr.
